The biggest fear is fear itself!
As children, we have a lot of fears – fear of the dark, fear of monsters, fear if we hang back in a crowded market our parents might leave us behind, fear our friends won’t like us. As we get older, some of those fears resolve themselves. We become surer of ourselves, more aware of the world we live in and what is and is not real. New fears replace the old ones. With age, we learn to mask them either as a way to convince ourselves they don’t exist or to convince others. It will behoove us to recognize some of our fears though and take active measures to address them head-on.
One of my fears not too long ago was putting my personal views on display via an online blog. No one likes to be ridiculed especially for sharing something intimate to them. I already maintain a journal and express my views among close friends, family and colleagues. So why then was I reticent about doing so online? Someone close to me recommended the blog format as a podium to publish my writing. While it appealed to the logical me, the emotional me was far from ready. I maintained my reluctance for a while until I realized all I was doing was fueling the fear by avoiding it. I needed to man up…or woman up in my case and just take that leap of faith, and so I did. My blog is 3 months and 4 days old today and I have been blessed with followers and readers who have nothing but positive and encouraging things to say about what I write. 🙂
Another fear, at the very core of my being used to be the fear of losing the people I love the most. I often found myself going out of the way to make sure they were happy or well taken care of. I apologized for mistakes that weren’t mine, I smoothed over wrinkles. I figured if I tried hard enough, they would choose to be with me. And they did but it was because it was to their advantage. In the hour of my need though, they were curiously absent. In making a heaven for them, I had lost a piece of myself, and with that my confidence. I began to realize I was holding onto them for all the wrong reasons. I realized the best way to address that fear, was to actually let go! And so I did. And something miraculous happened. The people that didn’t deserve me or appreciate me, drifted off. The ones that stayed on are the ones that I will be eternally loyal to. A small step in the right direction helped me find myself and also recognize those that I really needed to value. You know who you are. 🙂
Today with this post, I’ve conquered another fear. Talking about something so personal, I would never have thought to post it online. I’ve made a conscious choice to face my fears and with that I’ve grown and regained a little bit of my identity. I still have plenty of fears, some I plan to do nothing about, like arachnids. But the large, life-impacting ones, I plan to address one step at a time.